Throw the Book At Your Face

If I ever get the gumption to do so, I will apologize to JD for the grief I gave him over joining Facebook. 


I am pretty sure I used words like "pedophile," "freak," "weirdo," "stalker," and I am confident I accused him of trolling for a girlfriend. I am not proud. Sometimes I pick on him for sport.  


But one day, to shut me up no doubt, he showed me what it was he was looking at. And, he granted me full access to his page. I began looking to see what all this was about and within a week, I had my own page. 


Since then, I have not gone a day without checking it. No, really. I love Facebook. I would never run into these people at the grocery, or know that my kindergarten teacher likes One Kings Lane. It really is genius. 


But as of late, I have the following grievances:


1. It is NOT therapy. It is also, not a megaphone. it is not a highlighter or a center stage.  I don't want to have to buy a Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring to figure out someone's status. If I see one more status that is "DJ Tanner is having the worst day ever" or "Blair Warner is weighing her options" I am going to scream. Can you please just put "Natalie Morales needs some attention. Please call or private message me?" It would be GREAT. 


2. I love that you eat out every night; please stop "checking-in." If you don't, I am going to start robbing your house while you are out.  There should be a rule that if you "check-in," you should also have to put how you are paying for your meal: "XXXX checked-in at Blah Wine Bar on the client's tab."  I think when you check-in, you are misleading some people into thinking you are balling out of control, when in fact, you are not. 


Also, I don't care that you are at Target. Unless, this is your way of saying "Hey, I am at Target, can I pick-up anything for you?" 


3. OMG! You went to Mexico? That is amazing! I am so glad you put up 457 pictures. Here are the ones I want to see: any with people. I don't care what your room looked like, or that there was a waterfall or a drug cartel at the border. I want to see what you wore to dinners and what you look like in a bathing suit because I am THAT insecure. If I want to see the topography of Mexico, I will go to Mexico. 


4. Back to #1. I think Facebook should have a breath test. If you blow over the legal limit, you cannot post. 


5. If I want a good quote, I will Google one. 


This post will show up again. Bet your bottom dollar. And, please feel free to add to the list. If you cannot add to the comments section, you can email your grievances to katiesanderson@insightbb.com.