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| Photo: Pinterest |
Clearly Dr. Seuss never never a directional problem. I, on the other hand, need a compass and a pirate map to get wherever I am going.
As I mentioned, part of my trip to NYC meant that I was going to have some "downtime" which I was SUPER excited about. However, sometimes having too many options can be your own worst enemy. If you ever watched Perfect Couples on NBC, you are probably laughing through your tears right now. If you didn't watch it, you have no idea what I am talking about. And that is okay. Keep your map and your canteen close; the trip is long, but there is a point at the end.
There I am in NYC on what was a picture perfect Wednesday morning. It was a crisp 72 degrees according to Good Day New York (look at me, watching a local/national show). I had my perfect sundress and cardigan on, my hair had a little extra bounce and I was wearing my Rainbows. I had super cute flats in my bag, but let's be serious, my dogs were barking. The plan was as follows: coffee, water, Zara. Maybe Anthropologie and Bed Bath and Beyond if I had time.
After paying $11 for a Kashi bar, coffee and a Smartwater (which seemed ironic), I hit the streets. Ah, I was so Carrie Bradshaw, it was sick. I had 2 people ask me for directions. Directions! Clearly, I looked local. I was enjoying the day, the breeze, the city! I felt so alive!
Then, I felt lost. And not in a soul searching way. Like in a "this isn't the way to Zara kind of way." So, I pulled out the iPhone. I was headed to anything BUT Zara. Oh, and I spilled my coffee all down my dress.
Not to be frazzled, I mopped up the coffee with the cardigan, configured the directions on my iPhone and regrouped. I got it together and Zara got paid.
The best part of the whole morning was, I got to be with me. Just me.
I get plenty of alone time at home. JD is very good to take Sweet B "off my hands" when he gets home. Not because I ask him to, but really, because he wants his own time with her. (And because he knows I am an actual monster if my Jeopardy gets interrupted.) But most times, that alone time is spent thinking about what else has to be done, or what I should be doing instead of indulging in a little free time.
When Sweet B is in school, I make sure to schedule everything during those hours so that she isn't subjected to the mundane tasks of Krogering with me. I anticipate a letter of thanks from the Kroger Corporation this year. In addition, I try to schedule all those 'We should meet for coffee' times then. That way, I can ensure I am giving full attention without being like "Isn't she so cute? I bet you have never heard anyone scream so loud, have you?" When adult playdates are at night, that takes away from my time with JD. Weekends are important for all of us to be together as a family; especially if he has been on the road.
ALL of those things are important. But at the risk of sounding selfish, there is little time for a Katie decompression. That is ironic, because 21-year-old Katie could not WAIT to stop being alone with Katie. That staring contest had to get called.
I love my husband, I love my daughter. Those things go without saying. This is not a cry for help. But, as a wife and mother, my identity has definitely gotten lost. And while I am worried about sounding selfish, whenever I have free time, I am either doing things for our family or worried about getting back in a timely fashion.
My Mom used to tell me "If you're bored, then you're boring." When I was younger, it drove me CRAZY. Mainly, because it was usually on a rainy day and it was code for "clean your room." As part of my maturation process, I have seen the wisdom in that phrase. If you can't enjoy your own company, then you are probably the problem.
So, while directions are not my forte, the map of me is still the same. And on that day, just for me, I really enjoyed the trip.
Lewis and Clark, no. Still kind of fun, yes. But Harry believes in me and sometimes, that is all that matters.
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| Photo; Pinterest |
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