Mix Tape

We, well, I get a lot of magazines. I don't care if tech is the future. I like getting something in my mailbox that isn't going to require a payment or a stiff drink. 


One of my favorites is Entertainment Weekly. They just seem to get me over there. Movies, TV, books, you name it. I seldom see a movie they don't rate better than a B. I won't read a book they rate less than an A. That is because I don't read many books at all. But I rely on them to give me just enough info to be relevant in pop culture. The TV reviews are spot on. I adore them. I don't know what I would do without them, really. Also, it is hilarious to call the mag, "Ew" like "gross."


A couple of weeks ago, I was delicately thumbing through the pages when I happened on a column called "1994 Chart Flashback."  Underneath the title, was the quick intro that 17-years-ago, while the nation was still feeling the burn from Kurt Cobain's untimely death, these were the top 10 songs on the chart. 


First of all, what the hell? SEVENTEEN DAMN YEARS AGO? Is this some kind of sick and twisted joke? Because in 1994, I was a half  Freshman going into Sophomore at the Academy. How is it even mathematically possible that was 17-years-ago? Clearly, that was a misprint. Unlike EW, but we all make mistakes. 


Secondly, as I scanned the list of 10, I realized that I had owned some of them, but not all. Furthermore, I had owned all of them in a separate capacity. I am not proud of the amount of time and thought I put into this list, but now, for your entertainment, I provide you, my/EW's 1994 Chart Flashback:


1. All-4-One "I Swear"
While I was a MUCH bigger fan of the John Michael Montgomery version as 1994 began my love of all country music, I didn't hate this version. You know why? Catholic boy's school mixers. It was a perfect slow dance song. A little urban, but just enough sap to get the job done. Plus, it kept me close to my country roots. 
Had it on: Tape single


2.Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories "Stay (I Missed You)"
In my biggest dream I will never work hard enough to achieve, I can play piano, guitar and drums. Maybe cello and/or violin. But because of Lisa Loeb and her nerdy glasses, Boho Chic clothes and ability to make anything look kind of cool, I thought it would be great to be her. And believe me when I say that there was one boy, that she had probably written this song about specifically for me. It was like she knew my 1994 love drama. If you are completely gay like me., you will also recall this was on the soundtrack to Reality Bites. I thought this was the coolest movie ever. I am sure I understood 1/4 of that movie in my Freshman year angst.I listened to it on my walkman and road my ten-speed all over Owl Creek. And sometimes into Anchorage if I was feeling particularly broody. 
Had it on: "Reality Bites" soundtrack tape AND tape single 


3.Coolio "Fantastic Voyage"
This song probably defined my 1994 summer. Kentucky Kingdom, Village 8 movie theater, the OJ arrest; it was a summer of ups and downs. But one thing was certain and that was my emergence into what I was certain was "gangsta" rap. Yes, much to my parents chagrin, their white, blonde, green eyed girl had gone gangsta. They would be lucky to get her back. 
Had it on: MTV Party to Go Volume Something


4.Janet Jackson "Any Time, Any Place/ And On and On"
I bought this CD the day it came out. I BEGGED my Mom to take me to the mall the day it came out. I have ALWAYS loved Janet, Miss Jackson if ya nasty. Like Rhythm Nation in the '80's, this whole CD was amazing. I played it all the time. I did homework to it, cleaned my room to it, got ready to "go out" to it, played it louder to drown out my "stupid" parents. Not only was the CD the best, but the video's were even better. JJ was SO fit with those 6-pack abs and all those awesome dance moves. Back when MTV actually showed videos, like on a show called TRL hosted by Carson Daly, I would watch those videos and know that if I tried hard enough, I could totally learn to dance like that. No. Not even close. Not even if I was nasty. 
Had it on: CD


5. Elton John: "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?"
While I love this Knightly Bitch, and I love the "Lion King," I hate this song more than anything in life. I check my ears for blood when I hear it. It is as bad as the song about Princess Diana. How can something I love so much go so horribly wrong? I don't have time to figure that out and I don't really care THAT much, but it did. 
Didn't Have it.


6. Warren G & Nate Dogg "Regulate"
As I had forayed into the world of gangsta rap already, this was my next phase. Clearly, this was much more hardcore than "Fantastic Voyage." I mean, Nate Dogg was related to Snoop Dogg. That is straight thuggin. This had it all; talk of prostitutes, gambling on dice games and Long Beach! For a beach community, I knew that this was not Destin. This was all hardcore. My mom would not let me listen to it in carpool in the Volvo. She said it was vulgar and advised if I could not find a better use for my babysitting money, she could help me. Shoulda bought a glock with my babysitting money. 
Had it on: Tape Single


7. Ace of Base "Don't Turn Around"
Based on the fact that I still cannot get "I Saw the Sign" out of my head, you can see I didn't bother with the follow-up.
Didn't bother with it.


8. Da Brat "Funkdafied"
While I was bonafide street by this point, I wasn't this street. Bitches got standards, yo.
No. 


9. Aaliyah "Back and Forth"
This was actually a pretty good slow jam. I later found out R. Kelly wrote it for the then 15-year-old Aaliyah and it made me want to throw up and die. 
Had it on: MTV Party to Go


10: John Mellencamp and Me'Shell Ndegeocello "Wild Night"
I love John, Cougar or not. He can be smoking in a little pink house or hanging out with Jack and Diane. I don't care. I love that Hoosier bastard. Marry a supermodel, date Meg Ryan; have the middle name Cougar, drop it like it's hot.; I don't care. This song was probably his last attempt to be relevant on MTV. I remember the video was really high energy. Sadly, he was competing against the 9 before him. So, a then 40+ year old dude from Indiana on MTV probably wasn' the target market. Also, I was too embarrassed to buy the song in any capacity.  I couldn't have that lying around in my collection. 


Now, go update your iPod. 

Tattle Tales

Snitches get stitches.

Isn't that how it goes? But sometimes, I feel compelled to tattle. Even as an adult. Will I wind up in time out or have to physically wear a tattle tail? Maybe. And sometimes, it is worth it. 


When I was younger, I was either scared to tattle or quick on the tattle draw. I have a need for justice. I don't ever like to think that someone got away with something. Mainly, because if I even consider the pettiest of crime, I will get arrested by a retired, decorated, off-duty police officer. I will sit through a red light at 3am. I will wait for the walking figure to tell me to go. I don't rip the tags off my pillows or mattress because it says "under penalty of law."  But sometimes, you gotta have justice. 


I recently had an interaction with some women who were in charge and had all the power. I was a lowly volunteer so I had exactly no power. I don't know what bar serves power, but they were clearly over served. Like 21st birthday over served.  21st birthday on St. Patrick's Day when it falls on Spring Break after the Sunday that is Easter, over served. Drunk. On. Power. 


I played nice. I played really nice. But what they had done was more than wrong. And what we were doing was for a really good cause. So, the more ugly the women are, the more likely they are to alienate women like me from helping in the future. It isn't that I can't get over it, but I just don't want to be treated like a child by a contemporary. Eventually, I will fight back. That won't be pretty. Nasty is a really ugly color on me. 


Thinking it was just my typical oversensitivity, I kept my feelings to myself. However, when I was among some really close friends, it turned out, they read me like a book and shared my exact feelings. In fact, they had experienced the same things in the past. With that, one of my most respected friends said she had written the committee about the actions of some of those in charge. I hadn't considered that as an option. But it made sense. 


Therefore, I will be crafting an email to tattle. Tattle in an adult way, but tattle nonetheless. I never dreamed I would still be telling on someone for poor behavior at my age. In fact, I had hoped that the next time I would be dealing with tattling it would be with Sweet B. Unfortunately, I forgot that women are awful. Particularly, women who have any kind of power. ANY kind of power. 


So, if you don't hear from me, I may be in timeout.